textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
