I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
