You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
