So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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