Can i not drive my cunt home
I wish my penis had an off switch
it was like eating out sand paper
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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