So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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