she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
