no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
