i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
well you can't waste a boner
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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