Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
