Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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