She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
