I can tuck mytits in my pants
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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