It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
