one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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