bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
