that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
