woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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