My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
