Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
