people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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