well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
