I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
