If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
