i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
