Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
