You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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