I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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