Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
