i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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