I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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