about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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