dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
