i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
