I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
