Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
