i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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