If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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