My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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