i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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