We got so high we made milksteak
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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