Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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