I accidentally burped into my bong.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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