peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
