Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
