So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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