My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
