Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
