No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Randomize
