Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
they need to just BURY HIM!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
