Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
