I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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