First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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