Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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