It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
