Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
