from now on my penis is your penis
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
barbara walters just said penis...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
