i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
