Are we in a gay sports bar?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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